


ink and smoke

by versol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1950s, Angst, Korean War, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:06:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19732711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/versol/pseuds/versol
Summary: Inseparable, no matter where they are; Even if Baekhyun is still fighting the war, and Kyungsoo is watching it through the letters he gets in the prison camp.(there are some descriptions of death and violence, please read at your own risk)





	ink and smoke

**Author's Note:**

> June has apparently been my “it” month, more or less. 
> 
> With very good reason, of course. If you follow me on twitter you may (or may not) know that I’m going to be leaving for a little while. 
> 
> Not permanently, but for a while. 
> 
> Coincidentally, I’ll be leaving to enlist in the air force July 9 (just one week after Kyungsoo lol), meaning that you’ll be deprived of content from two (2) eggheads. It’s likely I’ll be back around september, but I’m not sure when exactly. As soon as I get settled into a new place and am not deprived access from technology, then hopefully I’ll get back into the swing of things, but it may not be for a while. 
> 
> So for now, this is goodbye. 
> 
> I want to thank all of you for supporting the mess that are my fics. It really does mean a lot and receiving the kind words and occasional constructive feedback really warms my heart. I’m going to miss seeing them on every new update or oneshot I post. 
> 
> Please wait for me, and please don’t forget me. I’ll be back soon, and hopefully I’ll have about double the things to write. This is just a new chapter opening up in my life, and it’s time for me to tackle it. I’m excited and nervous all at once, but I’ll be back soon enough. 
> 
> Again, thank you all so much for even giving my stories a chance. I never thought I’d get as much traction on my works as I have, especially considering how I still have a long way to go improvement wise, but nonetheless, I’m so, so grateful. 
> 
> See you in September.
> 
> \- Sol

  
  
  


A hard, muffled thud hammers into the ground, followed by a dozen more simultaneously. Kyungsoo wipes at the sweat dripping down his face, almost falling into his eyes. He tightens his grip around his hoe, trying to ignore the slight sting of the blisters on his palms and raises it again, sending it into the ground. 

It’s hot, unbearably so, and it’s just past noon, judging by the sun. He’s still got a long time left out here and he’s sure he’s going to be complaining to Junmyeon about these blisters all night. 

It’s been a couple of weeks since he’s been here. He was one of the unfortunate souls among hundreds of other Korean and American soldiers left behind at the rear defense during battle. He thinks about it too much, it’s like the only thing that occupies his thoughts anymore because there is nothing else to think about. 

Life before is nothing to think about. It’s too optimistic, and that hasn’t existed since all of this started a year ago. Life in between battles is too dull for him to remember. It clogs up his mind like the heavy mud in between his boots and ears. Even his partner in battle wasn’t someone he wanted to think about. 

It was hard, because he doesn’t know where he is, or what he’s doing, or, god forbid, if he’s even alive. Yet still, he manages to force his way into Kyungsoo’s thoughts when he’s tilling away, because he was there during every waking moment of this war, including the day Kyungsoo and him got separated. 

Kyungsoo only ever rethinks back to two weeks ago, when a bullet grazed his helmet and, with too much bravery, fell to the ground to find where it came from, only to get into a nasty brawl with a Northern soldier, and lose. 

Now he’s tilling their fields along with some other strangers, because he was forced to tell them his entire life story when he got here. The next day, he was reliving his previous farm life, only a million times worse, and it’s been nonstop since then. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t want to think about the fact that he’s going to die here, along with everyone else. 

So he thinks about Baekhyun, and their times on the battlefield together. Their hours and hours of marching together, crying together, yelling and screaming at the top of their lungs when fire broke out, and, on some occasions, laughing together. 

  
  


He listens in on the conversations from the other people around him. Some of it is dialect of his own language, some of it is english that he can only pick out a few select words from. He likes hearing the other’s conversations while he works. It distracts him, makes Kyungsoo think about other things, makes him wonder about the lives of all the other soldiers he’s been obliviously working alongside with. 

Kyungsoo straightens out the tightness in his back, rolls his neck and shoulders which have been sore since he’s gotten here. The sun is relentlessly beating down on them and he’s drenched uncomfortably in his own sweat. Some of the other men have stripped their shirts off, tying the tops around their waist and their undershirts over their heads. Kyungsoo would do the same, but only gets as far as getting his top shirt tied around his waist. He’s afraid of getting held over fire if he avoids work for too long. 

The camp is almost as worse being in a squadron. 

Scratch that, it  _ is  _ worse. Way worse. 

Kyungsoo would rather spend hours marching through the middle of fucking nowhere with Baekhyun singing jodies in his ear than sit in the absolute horror that this place is. He’s already watched people fall to their face and stop moving. The life in everyone’s eyes is lost. There’s conversation but no heart. There’s work but no reward. There’s people but no life. 

Everyday he holds his breath praying that he doesn’t contract some sort of deadly disease from someone else and end up like them.

And the  _ stench  _ is fucking unbearable. 

In all honesty, Kyungsoo is glad he was put to work in the fields because he can actually breathe out here. He can’t imagine how Junmyeon fares down in the mines like that, day after day, for countless hours, in close contact with other people who are probably hacking their lungs out. 

And don’t even get started with the reeducation in ideology.

  
  


Baekhyun liked to call them “Commie fuckers”, that always made everyone laugh, Korean and white kids alike. Baekhyun was always the highlight of their marches, and their battles. For some reason he liked to joke around while in the middle of raining bullets, 

“Listen, Kyungsoo, if I die here today I’m gonna need you to tell my family that it was from diving on a grenade, I think that’s less embarrassing than saying I tripped on a landmine.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kyungsoo would scream.

“Hey! I need my death to sound fucking cool! Tripping on a landmine would suck to explain to my parents, they’d call me a dumbass and probably refuse to bury me!”

Kyungsoo still chuckles to himself about it from time to time. 

  
  
  


The hours drag, Kyungsoo works tirelessly to avoid getting yelled at, tilling and plowing and exhausting his arms until the sun finally goes down. His stomach hurts from being so hungry, and when they’re finally called to go eat, he stumbles in the loose dirt to try and hurry out to meet Junmyeon. 

He’s nice. He’s been here a little longer than Kyungsoo has, but not by much. He was one taken among others, just like Kyungsoo, swept up before he could get a chance to really do anything. He was a field medic and was in the middle of trying to patch up some poor fuckers bullet would when he got taken. He said he watched the poor guy writhe and spit until he died while he was getting carried away. 

He and Kyungsoo share a tent together, they sleep next to each other. Kyungsoo finds him to be nice. Kyungsoo was pretty shaken up when he arrived here and Junmyeon relieved a lot of the anxiety with his warm presence.

He also bandages up Kyungsoo’s blisters, which is really great. Chances are his hands would have fallen off from infection if not for Junmyeon’s expertise and some stolen alcohol.

“Your tan is coming in nicely.” Junmyeon smiles, watching Kyungsoo sulk up to him at their usual meeting place. 

“I’m gonna end up deep frying in my own sweat, I swear.” He says, letting Junmyeon clap him on the back, “You look exhausted, Soo.” 

Kyungsoo nods, staring at the people falling into line, and they follow suit. He doesn’t meet Junmyeon’s face, but he can hear his concern.

“You don’t look much better, Hyung.” He says finally, stepping in line behind some other people. It’s true. If anything, Junmyeon looks worse. Maybe it’s from the dust and coal smeared across his face, but it looks sunken and tired. 

“Thanks,” He chuckles. 

It’s quiet among them for a moment, Junmyeon keeping an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders until they’re served. Junmyeon leads him off to a less congested area, where they can speak to each other and actually hear what the other is saying. 

“I have something for you, I’ll give it to you before lights out.”

Kyungsoo looks up after shoving a spoonful of rice into his mouth. Why would Junmyeon have something for him?

Unless…

Kyungsoo almost chokes, Junmyeon pats his back until he recollects himself. When Kyungsoo sits up Junmyeon smiles, eyes turning up into crescents, “Yeah, he responded.”

It’s been over a week now. Kyungsoo has counted the days, one by one. It’s been a lot of running around in down time, talking to a shit ton of people, forming broken sentences in english until he finally got someone with access to the outside.

Well, Junmyeon did, but it was a team effort. 

They managed to find someone who was able to access the outside and send letters back to the battlefield. Kyungsoo had eagerly written one to Baekhyun and he got a  _ response _ . 

Baekhyun is alive, and he wrote back to Kyungsoo. 

He’s  _ alive _ . 

Kyungsoo felt his heart drop in his chest when Junmyeon took his hand and lead him to the tent so he could read it. As soon as Junymeon handed him the envelope, Kyungsoo felt his eyes burn. That was Baekhyun’s atrocious handwriting for sure. 

  
  
  


_ July 15, 1951 _

_ Kyungsoo! _

_ You have no idea how hard I cried when I got your letter delivered to me. It’s a miracle that you’re okay. You have no idea how much I’ve been beating myself up over the fact that I couldn’t make it to you in time on the field. I’m going to make it my new mission to get you out of that shit hole, promise. _

_ I imagine that writing letters from a closeted commie shit pit is probably kind of hard, but I’m trusting you to tell me every detail of what’s going on in there, so I can strangle everyone of those bastards when I come and get your sorry ass.  _

_ Everyone is doing okay right now. We’ve gotten a few newbies assigned to the squadron. One of them is medic who I’ve come to be pretty close with. His name is Kim Jongdae. He’s a shit fighter when it comes down to it, but we share a similar sense of humor and he’s really nice. I think you’d like kicking his ass when he tears up everytime he puts his finger on the trigger.  _

_ We’ve been given orders to push North again and set up closer the 38th parallel. Everyday is a constant nightmare of heat and sun and exhaustion. A lot of us are honestly running on fumes at this point. Ever since the Americans have appointed that new general things have been moving a little slow. Not to forget the last major battle, too… More failed peace talks, more stalemates, a whole lot of nothing for right now other than us just losing hope. Hopefully it will pick back up soon and we can end all of this so I can come get you. I hope I can hear from you soon.  _

__ B. BH _ _

  
  


Kyungsoo didn’t realize he was crying until he felt Junmyeon’s thumb swipe across his cheeks. Baekhyun may have given him an earful when they were together, but he was the reason Kyungsoo even stayed sane out there for so long. Baekhyun and him talked about all kinds of shit together. What they did before the war, what the planned to do after, and a whole lot of shit talk about the communists. 

He tried to keep his distance from Baekhyun even while they were in training, because someone like Byun Baekhyun was surely to get him killed out on the field. He was loud, he was careless, and he didn’t listen to anyone’s orders unless they were of higher ranking. Kyungsoo was the exact opposite, but when Baekhyun decided that Kyungsoo wasn’t assertive enough and said  _ Kyungsoo  _ would be the one to die when they first stepped out in the field, he pushed Kyungsoo to his limits.

Another difference between them;

Baekhyun has the energy of a working horse, Kyungsoo doesn’t. It put him behind a lot of the recruits in training and Baekhyun, for some reason, wasn’t going to watch him fail. 

From that moment on, they became inseparable. Baekhyun wasn’t all that bad once Kyungsoo got used to him. Once they were sent out onto the field Baekhyun ended up being the one to save Kyungsoo ass from more than just a couple of bullets through the head. 

This time around he was just a little late, but it’s nothing he should blame himself for. 

“Well?” 

The softness in Junmyeon’s voice made Kyungsoo’s shoulders shake with a choked sob. He nods, to give Junmyeon enough context that Baekhyun was okay. That they were all okay for now.

“I’m so glad he’s alright.”

Kyungsoo nods again. So was he. More than glad. 

Kyungsoo folds up the paper and crawls over to his spot on the floor. He takes his pillow, gives it a good tug and the rip of thread fills the small space. 

“Isn’t that gonna be uncomfortable?”

“Not like it already is.” Kyungsoo mutters, shoving the folded paper into the small tear and setting it back on the ground.

“Besides, I’d rather it be here than with me. I don’t wanna ruin it… Or risk getting caught with it.” He shrugs.

Junmyeon’s nods in agreement, “You should hurry and write one back tonight and I’ll send it out for you tomorrow.” He smiles. 

Kyungsoo nods, falling back against his thin pillow and hearing the paper crumple beneath his head.

“I hurt my hands again.” Kyungsoo says up to the ceiling, watching the fabric of the tent flutter under the setting sun.

“I’m gonna make you wear cloth over your hands every day. At this rate you’re gonna lose them.” Junmyeon gently takes one of Kyungsoo’s hands to examine it.

“So what’s your friend like? You don’t talk about him much, but he definitely means a lot to you.”

  
  
  


“Kyungsoo! Get down!”

He has a split second to absorb Baekhyun’s sudden orders, and another split second to actually react but he’s pulled by the front of his uniform and is under the pressure of Baekhyun’s body when a loud explosion sounds not too far away from them. 

“You dumb fuck! Why’d you look at me like I was crazy?” Baekhyun yells, pushing himself off of Kyungsoo and settling back into position. Now isn’t really an appropriate time to apologize. Here’s bullets flying left and right, orders being called somewhere else, someone choking on their own blood not too far behind him. 

Kyungsoo repositions, grip sweaty on the base of his gun and his finger trembles around the trigger. He hates guns. He hates shooting them, he hates shooting people, he hates cleaning them. 

It’s muddy. Kyungsoo was sinking and keeps shifting to try and keep himself steady on the barriers. With every stray bullet mud spatters onto his face, and every now and then, into his eyes, making him wipe more mud all over his face just to see clearly.

“For fucks sake! Kyungsoo what the fuck is wrong with you? Do something, they’re gonna close in on us!” Baekhyun’s voice is loud to his right. For some reason he keeps losing himself, maybe it’s the anxiety, he’s too overwhelmed to think about the task at hand. He keeps focusing on everything but, and he’s kind of really freaking the fuck out. 

Shoot. He can do that. 

They push forward some more. Stumbling over their boots in the thick of the mud, catching one another by the sleeves to keep from falling. They dive behind nearby barriers, crawl along the ground with their rifles close to their chest. 

Kyungsoo follows closely behind Baekhyun. Crouches whenever he crouched, shoots when he shoots, goes where he goes.

The crazy thing about being in the midst of battle is that time becomes essentially important. The hours will pass by like years, or like seconds. And today, it’s felt like years. 

It was a lot of pushing up. A lot of taking cover, a lot of blowing his voice out until they made it and reached a cease fire. 

Kyungsoo felt his whole body go rigid once camp was set. Baekhyun was no better.

Kyungsoo collapses onto his mat next to Baekhyun, who is messing with a small necklace in his fingers. 

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo mutters quietly. Staring up at the hazy sky above them, listening to the eerie silence in the field around them.

Baekhyun stays quiet. He doesn’t talk, he doesn’t move, he only continues to fumble with the chain in his fingers. 

“I thought you were gonna die, Private.” He says finally.

Kyungsoo pry’s his eyes open, looks over to Baekhyun, who is looking at him. Dark hair still slightly damp with sweat, tousled and messy from wearing his helmet for so long, but it falls prettily over his forehead.

“You say that every time.”

“Yeah, but I’m for real this time.” He says, looking back up. Baekhyun blinks once, twice.

“Don’t die on me, okay?”

  
  
  


_ July 21, 1951 _

_ Baekhyun, _

_ I hope this letter finds you well. Getting them out of this place is easier said than done. I’m probably just as relieved as you are knowing that you’re okay. _

_ I’m sorry if this is short and a little messy. Junmyeonnie-hyung wrapped my palms in bandages to keep them from blistering on the fields again. Working on their clock is much different than what I was used to back on my own farm… _

_ Your friend Jongdae sounds like a lot of fun. I’m glad you’ve found somebody as loud as you. Though, to be honest, it’s kind of insulting that you’d compare being afraid to hold a rifle to me… You know who the person is who me made less afraid, right?  _

_ I know that if anyone is able to push through all this heat, it’s you. Give LT. Minseok-hyung and Jonginnie my best regards, I’m sure they could use it right now. _

_ Knowing that you’re getting closer the 38 lifts some weight off of my shoulders though. It means you all are getting close, and maybe we’ll be free soon! After this is all over we can meet in Seoul again and you can tell me everything I missed in great detail over some drinks, while I spill my woes over this nightmare of a prison. It’ll be a great time. Maybe we can write a book together and become best-sellers and win one of those fancy medals like you talked about.  _

_ Stay strong, Private. Don’t give up yet. I believe in you always.  _

__ D. KS _ _

  
  
  


“Oh come on, you little-“ Jongin falls back into the grass in defeat,

“God dammit, Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun slams his stack face down on his lap. 

Kyungsoo smiles playfully, watching the two look sadly at their card decks trying to figure out how they would make their next move with pouts on their faces.

“I give up,” Jongin breathes, “No one can ever beat you in this stupid game I don’t know why we try.”

“Oh Jongin, you can’t give up this quickly. This is you and me against Kyungsoo, remember?” Baekhyun watches Jongin, who is slouched with his arms crossed, pout still clear on his face.

“Hyung, he’s beaten us three times in a  _ row _ .”

“So? We’ll just gang up on him later in retaliation and he won’t be able to do anything about it.” Baekhyun smiles at Kyungsoo sitting across from him, who has stayed silent the whole time as he’s watched the two across from him whine like a couple of kids.

Granted, Jongin is only 18, and Baekhyun is 21, but they both act half of what they’re supposed to.

“What so now I have to go head to head with you two dumbasses? Not fair.” Kyungsoo laughs, glancing down at his hand of cards before he leans back and settles on his elbows in the grass, watching the two squirm and giggle. 

It’s a quiet night. One of those eerie post-battle nights. Waiting for rounds to get fired but instead only receiving silence. He had time in the last couple of hours to sew up that little patch on Baekhyun’s uniform he mentioned being ripped while waiting for shit to hit the fan, and then not having it happen.

This has been happening for a few hours, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know if he should be scared or absolutely terrified. 

Though being able to settle down with the two biggest idiots of their division is a weight off his shoulders. He’s been wound up ever since their cease-fire expecting for something to happen, because something hasn’t felt right, and instead he’s got Baekhyun and Jongin pinning him to the ground and sabotaging him for beating them in another round of Go-Stop.

They got yelled at by Minseok again. 

  
  


“Hey, Soo-ya.” Baekhyun’s voice is still wide awake in the darkness of the world around them.

“Yeah?” 

“I think we should prank Minseok.”

“You’re a fucking madman, you know?” Kyungsoo huffs, adjusting himself on his mat as Baekhyun chuckles next to him. He can see the way his eyes glisten even in the darkness. 

“Not entirely.” Kyungsoo can pretty much see the sly smirk on Baekhyun’s face, “I think he could use a little lighthearted mischief. Something that would make him smile a little, right?”

“You know we’re crossing the river tomorrow. Save your energy.”

“That’s what I mean, idiot. You know what’s in the rivers?”

Kyungsoo stays silent. He’ll let Baekhyun have his fun with this for now. 

  
  


Just as Baekhyun is about to answer, a call sounds over the whole squadron, a red flare erupts into the air, and Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are scrambling to their feet just as enemy fire roars among them. Loud explosions rattle Kyungsoo as he tightens his helmet, Baekhyun is cursing about them interrupting his sleep, and why can’t he just get a “day of some goddamn peace in this place.”

“Kyungsoo, you fucking called it!” Baekhyun’s eye is narrowed through the center point of his gun, and shoots. 

Minseok is calling out orders to push up towards the river. 

Jongin dives in on Kyungsoo’s other side. It’s only been… What, a couple of minutes? The ground is already covered in smoke, and Kungsoo can hardly see in front of them. Baekhyun gives a signal when Jongin is ready and the three of them haul ass over the barrier to push forward. 

Jongin stumbles, Kyungsoo is quick to get him back on his feet, the press down into the shallow water of the river. Kyungsoo feels himself sink in the sand, a spray of water shoots up just in front of them and falls right on their heads as they duck down. Kyungsoo finally settles in position, feels the weight of his rifle on his shoulder, his grip tightens around the base, finger steady on the trigger. 

He glances at Baekhyun, even through all the haze and water and noise, he can see that little smirk on his face, full of confidence. 

“Let’s fuckin’ wreck em’.”

  
  
  
  


_ July 29, 1951 _

_ Kyungsoo,  _

_ I want to apologize if this gets to you later than expected. I’m already picking up that these might take awhile for you to receive. Nonetheless, I’m happy to get to talk to you, even if you aren’t really here.  _

_ I told Jongin and Minseok about you, and I think poor Jongin cried harder than I did. He really misses you, and so does Minseok. I really think he was less of a pushy asshole when you were here. He’s cranky all the time now, like an old man…  _

_ You friend Junmyeon sounds nice! I just hope he isn’t as handsome as his heart sounds, otherwise I’ll be in trouble… Seriously though, I‘m glad there’s someone there that takes good care of you. I’m sure finding good people in a place like that is hard right?  _

_ You should tell me what that place is like. I’m really curious. Remember how we would hear stories from the other guys all the time? Are they all true? Tell me everything in great detail, maybe we can get lucky and report it to the UN or something and get you out. Or I’ll just come there myself. You don’t think Minseok would mind that I broke away from the platoon to help you, right?? (personally, i dont think he would) _

_ Speaking of the platoon.. We’re still moving, still tired, but making slow progress. There’s been chatter of a possible peace conference within the next month among the American troops. If that’s true, I’ll keep my hopes a little higher this time for you, Soo. If it goes through, I’ll come straight to you and we’ll start on that stupid book you want so bad. _

_ I won’t give up as long as you don’t, either.  _

_ All my love,  _

_ B. BH _

__

_ P.S. Take care of your hands, please…  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ August 5, 1951 _

  
  


_ Baekhyun,  _

_ Did I not mention I can’t send letters through the soldiers here? Everything I’m about to tell you is the exact reason we can’t, so I have to give them to Junmyeon who passes it along to someone else, who then passes it to someone else outside the prison… And the rest for me is unknown. As long as they end up getting to you, I won’t complain.. Even if they do take a while.  _

_ Whatever, you want to know how bad this place is, right? I honestly contemplated telling you just because I didn’t want you to feel bad for me, but after talking with Junmyeon he says that it would be a good idea. Maybe you could spread this around and get more people passionate to get us out. So here I am… Writing you this. I hope you’re sitting down, because I don’t know how long this is gonna be…  _

_ We start our days at sunrise. I’d say around… 05:30? 06:30? Something like that. We’re all screamed at and forced out of these smelly, cramped tents, all packed in shoulder to shoulder. We eat a hearty meal of about a serving of rice, then sent off to our jobs. I work out in the fields, Junmyeon works down in the mines. It all depends based on where we’ve lived and worked before the war. We do this everyday from sunrise to sundown, then we eat another bland dinner of hardly anything. I’ve seen people here the size of twigs. They want us to die, if not of disease then of starvation, or madness, or just doing enough to get on their nerves they finally off us.  _

  
  


_ Any wrong look and we get yelled at. I’ve been yelled at countless times by the Chinese soldiers (even when I didn’t understand what they were telling me), and spit on by the North while they cuss at us in their dialect. I’m honestly lucky that I haven’t been executed yet. It’s awful. They beat some men to a pulp, leaving them nearly unrecognizable. They execute others without a second thought and leave them lifeless on the grounds of the camp until someone comes to dispose of it and let the stench travel into the fire’s smoke and the fibers of our clothes.  _

_ They do things here that make me scared to move, or breathe. They’re ruthless, they’re intimidating, they use this ideology to get their way and it’s a true, organic nightmare in its most pure form.  _

_ The ideology reeducation is torture. Junmyeon and I have long talks after, he knows his way around here really well. We always do this to keep ourselves from falling into their trap. To keep ourselves raw, and true to ourselves, and our roots. He’s heard a lot about you, and I think you two would get along well. _

_ Everyday I wish I was back out there with you. Anything would be better than this place. There’s no first-aid, most everyone here is sick with something and Junmyeon and I walk everywhere with out faces covered to keep from coming down with something awful. It’s a monochrome limbo that I keep repeating and I’m scared. I think I’m more scared here than I was in battle. You made it less scary, you always made everything less bad. Even now, you’re keeping me sane just by writing to me, and you’ll never know what that means to me, Baekhyun.  _

  
  


_ Maybe we can save that for a day when I have more paper… I think I’ve given you everything you need to know, though. At least I hope.  _

_ I can’t really explain the true gruesome horror of it all to an outsider unless you’ve actually been here. I’m sorry if it wasn’t enough.  _

_ Give my love to the other two for me, and wipe Jongin’s tears as well.  _

  
  


_ Always Yours,  _

_ D. KS _

_ P.S. My hands are just fine, idiot.  _

  
  
  
  
  


Kyungsoo remembers the first time he actually killed a man. Baekhyun something along the lines of, “Holy fuck! Kyungsoo, good shot!”

Something like that. He wasn’t really paying attention to Baekhyun praising him, because he was in too much shock to really understand anything else other than what he just did. 

He killed a man. A man with family, with parents, maybe with a wife and kids. He killed him. Shot him right there, and he fell over just like that. 

Kyungso was horrified. His breath hitched in his throat as he watched and he felt his eyes start to burn and his chest get heavy as he kept thinking about it and then he did it again. Then again. 

A day after that, a month, six months, a year. Kyungsoo kept doing it, and eventually became numb to it. He never understood how Baekhyun was always so numb to it, to the whole concept. Then again, no one really was. Chances are Baekhyun used is shit humor to cover up the initial shock of it all, or maybe he was just that twisted, but Kyungsoo likes to think the former. 

  
  


Either way, they ended up becoming quite the duo when Kyungsoo finally got his shit together and really started to help out. Together, him and Baekhyun were almost unstoppable. 

Some days were better than others. Some days, they would get a few opposers down and make some progress in pushing forward. Other days were silent, and all they would do is march, and continue marching until someone gave orders to stop for the night. 

Other days, they would look up to see Death himself hanging right above their heads, and breathing right down their necks. 

Baekhyun wasn’t always as sharp as he was made out to be. He made mistakes, too. 

They were in Yongsan, covered in ash and sweat and debris and struggling to breathe. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun barely managed to find cover among the structures that were flattened to the ground. There was an overnight raid and they’ve been up ever since trying to get these fuckers taken out one by one, but it was pure guerilla, and they were in for it. 

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were separated for hours. It had taken Kyungsoo until the sun broke through the smoke to find Baekhyun crowded under half a brick wall. When he crawls up, his eyes get wide and voice breaks a little when he speaks. Baekhyun was bleeding down the left side of his face, his helmet was a little crooked, and his face was smudged in black ash. It almost didn’t even look like him. 

“Hey, hey, look at me, are you okay?” Kyungsoo takes either side of Baekhyun’s face and looks him in the eyes. For a moment, Kyungsoo didn’t see anyone in there, he repeated Baekhyun’s name once more and a small flicker of life showed, almost like a smile in his eyes. Baekhyun nodded. 

“We’re close, can you hold out a little longer?”

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Baekhyun smiles. 

There’s a rumble in the ground, a loud boom follows it and sends dirt and debris into the air, making them cover their heads and immediately look around for any signs of sudden danger. 

“We need to push up,” Baekhyun says, peering over the wall briefly before sinking back down, “I think I might see a way up there, think you can follow?”

“Lead the way.” Kyungsoo hugs his rifle close, and waits for Baekhyun to dive out from their slowly crumbling section of brick wall. He waits, lets Baekhyun get about halfway and then follows behind, falling back against some pile of rubble. 

By now their chests are heaving and they’re struggling to breathe in the haze, Baekhyun takes a peek around the corner and then sits back, “You need to stay close. I can barely see a meter in front of us, Soo.”

Kyungsoo nods, readying himself for the next second that Baekhyun will take off. Baekhyun makes a silent count on his fingers, 

One, 

Two, 

Three, 

They both slip around the corner with just a foot between each other and run blindly to whatever semi-structure is still left standing. 

Kyungsoo’s eyes are hurting and he can hardly see Baekhyun even within such close proximity of him. They stumble over rocks, and trash, a few seconds feels lifetime, until it all stops at once. 

  
  


Kyungsoo is on the ground. His ears are ringing, and he can feel his dry vocal cords crying out, trying to get a steady head back on his shoulders as he looks through the smoke for any sort of sign. He makes out a figure in front of him, but it isn’t moving. Even with a sudden shake of his mind, Kyungsoo can tell who that figure is. Once he’s brought back into the deafening reality of gunfire and grenades, he’s crawling over and hauling Baekhyun up over his shoulders without taking another second to think about it. 

Running through bricks and chunks of concrete with your best friend over your shoulder in the midst of raining gunfire was much more horrific than Kyungsoo had initially anticipated. Once he’s able to fall back a little, settle in a small corner of an old house and get a second to look over Baekhyun, he realizes they’ll really have no choice but to push. 

As soon as Kyungsoo props Baekhyun up against the wall, and pulls away, he sees that his hand is a bright shade of red that it had not been just a minute ago. He swears and looks back again, a pool of dark red is staining the side of his uniform and is slowly increasing. There’s a tear right where Kyungsoo is guessing he was hit with a stray piece of debris. 

Kyungsoo is quick to drop his rifle and slip off his jacket, then his shirt, tearing it into strips and tying them above and below his wound. Kyungsoo slips his jacket back, slings his rifle back over his shoulder, and twists the cap off of his canteen, and holds it to Baekhyun’s lips, carefully pouring some water into his mouth. 

Baekhyun chokes, but swallows some, and after another attempt, Kyungsoo caps his canteen and adjusts Baekhyun over his shoulders again. 

  
  


If it wasn’t so loud, Kyungsoo would have noticed the small whine that escaped from Baekhyun once he got him settled.

  
  


Later that night, after another couple hours of trying to find a medic, and waiting for progress to be made, Kyungsoo laid with Baekhyun in the medical tent, who only suffered from a small impale from a piece of stray wood and some stitches to the gash on his head. 

Baekhyun was always the most interesting when he slept. Kyungsoo figures it’s probably a little strange to stare, but something about Baekhyun always captured him. And when he slept so peacefully like this, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel his chest expand a little. There was something in the way his eyelids fluttered, or how his dark hair fell in messy strands over his head, maybe how his lips parted and then closed, always looking so full. 

Kyungsoo shouldn’t feel his heart get a little warm, but he can’t help it. Especially when Baekhyun leans into his touch when Kyungsoo brushes away a few stray strands of hair. 

  
  
  
  


_ August 11th, 1951 _

  
  


_ Kyungsoo,  _

  
  


_ Jongin died today.  _

_ I tried to save him. I really did. It all just happened so quickly, I tried to keep the gunshot compressed, and Jongdae was off with someone else and was the only one on sight.  _

_ He kept crying about how bad it hurt, how he didn’t want to die yet, how he needed to see if his family was okay and that he couldn’t leave them. I tried to tell him he’d be alright, Kyungsoo, I tried to keep him reassured but it was hard when I was watching the light fall from his eyes. He knew he was fading and I told him to hold on. I can’t stop thinking about it. About him.  _

_ He was too young, Kyungsoo. He was only 19… He didn’t even get a proper chance at life yet and I had to watch it all leave from him.  _

_ Everything he had ever known, every memory and lover and feeling he had ever known flashed through his eyes as he bled out right under me. _

_ Kyungsoo… I feel really alone now. I can’t stop crying, my hands are shaking… This feels worse than the death of a family member. Is that wrong to say? _

  
  


_ The UN says that there are observation posts that they strongly believe belong to the North. They want us to storm them near the 38th, and have given us the orders to do exactly so. We’ll be closing in on them within the week.  _

_ I so deeply wish you here, Kyungsoo. You have no idea how much I long to hear your voice right now. You always made things less painful than what they really were for me. I think we might have been each other’s saviors, huh?  _

_ Your savior, _

_ B. BH _

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ August 19, 1951 _

_ Baekhyun,  _

_ My heart is in pieces. Poor Jongin didn’t deserve to be out there fighting a war that he hardly had any say in. My love goes out to all of you right now.  _

_ You shouldn’t blame yourself over this. You did what you could, and in a situation like that, there was only so much that you were able to do. I’m sure Jongin doesn’t blame you either, I’m sure he’s grateful that you were there for him even from the very beginning. You inspire people like that, you lit a fire up in Jongin that I don’t think he realized he had. I could tell you meant a lot to him, and I know you still do.  _

_ Please be safe out there. I’m thinking of you every second, Baekhyun. You never leave my thoughts or worries.  _

_ My heart is with you, always. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay, you’ll be okay.  _

  
  


_ I’ll see you soon,  _

_ D. KS _

  
  
  
  
  


When the sun finally broke through the storm clouds and the smoke of the remains of battle, there was a brief moment of peace. A warmth on Kyungsoo’s face that he hadn’t felt in a long time, and it was nice to bask in it for a moment before they pushed forward again. 

When he opened his eyes and saw the horror the sun had burned away, he wanted to close them and wish it was a nightmare. That Seoul couldn’t be in ruins like this. It didn’t seem real. 

There’s some clattering behind him, and a figure settles next to his side. Kyungsoo doesn’t have to say anything, he doesn’t have to look over to know how Baekhyun is feeling. 

This was his home. And now there’s nothing. 

  
  


“I couldn’t even tell you where I lived. I don’t know anymore.” Baekhyun mutters. 

“I didn’t think… I thought it would…” 

Kyungsoo can hear the strain in Baekhyun’s voice, and puts a hand on his back, slowly rubbing up and down. 

They stand there and look at the rubble, their own destruction until they get orders to move, and do so with much hesitation. 

  
  


Kyungsoo has hardly ever seen Baekhyun go quiet during a march before. He has only very few times, and today is one of them. As they trip and step over pieces of rubble, Kyungsoo’s heart aches. He can feel Baekhyun’s pain next to him as they get further into the city. He wants to turn around, cover his ears, do something to get away from the cries of pain, the limbs peeking out from piles of rubble, the children sitting helplessly with hot tears running down their face as they cried for their parents. It makes his stomach churn, he feels sick knowing their part of the reason things are like this. Knowing things are like this becuase of some fucking ideology. People dead, innocent children lying lifeless on the side of the road all because of the selfishness of other people. 

He takes a glance over to Baekhyun. His eyes are glazed over, and he stares at the ground as they walk. His knuckles are white around the base of his rifle, and he can see his jaw clenching, and releasing. Kyungsoo can’t imagine how Baekhyun feels walking through this, his home, gone. 

He can’t even begin to think about the possibility of his family. 

Kyungsoo reaches out, puts a hand over Baekhyun’s, which is gripping the strap of his rifle so hard it’s begun to quiver. It takes a few seconds for Baekhyun to register the touch, but his grip eases and his hand falls down to his side, Kyungsoo’s fingers loosely wrapped around his own. 

Kyungsoo can’t imagine how his own looks about now. It’s always a game of question, but only living a few miles East out of Seoul probably didn’t leave a lot of room for much hope either. Especially because the letters he’s been getting from his family have been shorter and less frequent. 

“I have to look for them.” Baekhyun chokes a few minutes later. 

“I have to find them I can’t leave not knowing if they’re alive or not, I-”

Kyungsoo wants to tell Baekhyun to go. To run as fast as he can to find his home, his family, to see them again and tell them he’s okay and that he will win this war for them. But they have orders to follow, and they are required to abide by those orders unless stated otherwise. 

“I don’t even know where they are anymore, Kyungsoo. It all looks the same.”

That means Baekhyun is forced to keep moving, and Kyungsoo is forced to watch him look around helplessly trying to look for someone he knows, a landmark that looks familiar. Anything that might say “Home” but it’s all ash and fire and smoke and death. 

It’s all limbo of death, and crying, and screaming. 

Families clinging onto them and screaming, asking where their elderly parents are, that they took their children from them, and they will pay for the life of suffering they’ve caused. 

It’s all just an endless repeat of people screaming and clinging to them, pleading for their help. Watching bodies burned beyond recognition get pulled from piles of bricks and concrete. They had to stop at one point because Jongin couldn’t stomach it all. Kyungsoo kept a careful eye on Baekhyun as they trudged forward, pinkies hooked together through as they pushed through the dread. 

  
  


Baekhyun was silent the rest of the night. They all were, more or less. Only sharing a few words when it deemed necessary, and sitting and staring for the remainder of it. Jongin didn’t eat, Baekhyun ate only a few bites before he pushed it aside and Kyungsoo did about the same. There was a muted grief among everyone as they moved about camp, trying to get everything done for tomorrow. 

  
  


Kyungsoo found Baekhyun sitting on the roof of an old building, watching the sunset over the Han river. Kyungsoo contemplated going up to talk to him. He looked deep in thought, he was trying to wrap his head around all of this and couldn’t help but to keep worrying, and he was rightfully scared for his family. 

Kyungsoo watched him sit up there for a while. Thought to himself about how warm Baekhyun’s hand was, how soft his fingers were, how he wanted to take his whole hand in his and hold Baekhyun and tell him it would be okay. 

He imagines Baekhyun looks much prettier up there, with the golden light of the sun on his skin and how soft his eyes must look in the light. Kyungsoo wants to talk to him, Baekhyun probably needs it right now, but for some reason he can’t bring himself to do it. So instead he settles on a stray telephone pole, and watches Baekhyun from afar, just in case. 

Kyungsoo reads over all the letters from his family that he keeps stuffed inside a small rectangular tin, which now needs to be tied down because of all the letters he has stuffed in there. 

He reads them and reads them again, feels his heart tighten at the thought of how they could be doing right now, wonders if they’re alright, and if they’ve evacuated the area safely. He misses them, he misses his siblings, and his parents, and the animals on their little farm. He misses his old life. 

Twenty-one years spent working his ass off only to go out and fight a war. 

  
  


“You watching me, Private?” 

Kyungsoo glances up. He must not have heard him, Baekhyun is standing a couple feet away with a soft smile on his face. Kyungsoo feels his face go hot, and shakes his head, “N-No, just…”

“Decompressing?” Baekhyun finishes his sentence. 

“Yeah, I guess.”   
  


Baekhyun nods, and walks up to the pole Kyungsoo is sitting on and hauls himself up, scotting next to him so they’re side by side. 

“I was gonna come talk to you but you looked like you were having a moment.” Kyungsoo says finally, tying the little tin closed. 

“So you  _ were _ watching me.” Baekhyun shoulders Kyungsoo playfully, and Kyungsoo smiles with embarrassment.

“I’m just worried about you. But… When am I not?” Kyungsoo looks at the sunset reflecting off the water. He can feel Baekhyun looking at him, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the way the sun fall behind the ruins of the city.

They sit like that for a while. Stealing glances at each other and watching the sunset.

“Hey, Kyungsoo?”

“Hm?” Kyungsoo glances over to Baekhyun. His eyes are glassy again, and his throat bobs a little. He doesn’t tear his eyes away from Baekhyun.

“You think we’ll make it? To see the end of this?” Baekhyun asks finally, looking over to meet eyes with Kyungsoo.

There’s a plea in Baekhyun’s eyes. Desperation, but only a sliver, and hardly any hope.

Kyungsoo sighs, looks back at the river. The sun is sinking lower, and the sky is becoming hazy but it’s not near dark enough for the stars to wake up yet.

“I don’t want to get our hopes up, Baek. It’s hard to say, but… We have to try.” Kyungsoo breathes. Optimism was never his thing, and it was even harder when they came into this new life. Gavin a sure answer was never something you just had. It was always just a matter “if”. 

“You’ll stay, right? We’ll be together for as long as we can make it.” Baekhyun turns to glance at Kyungsoo for a split second. 

“Maybe even longer than that.” Kyungsoo smiles.

Kyungsoo was right, Baekhyun is pretty when the sun hits him just right.

  
  
  
  
  


Kyungsoo didn’t hear back from Baekhyun the following week. Initially, he thought maybe things got a little messy and it would be delayed, but then week two followed and he started to worry, and took it upon himself to write another letter. 

No response. 

It’s left Kyungsoo sleepless. Left him waking up in the middle of the night with bad dreams, and has occupied his thoughts completely. Baekhyun has totally seized all of Kyungsoo’s thoughts. Every waking moment, it’s always Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun.

He’s tried to talk to Junmyeon about it, but nothing is making him worry less. Kyungsoo knows that he shouldn’t be worried, because Baekhyun is a fucking maniac on the battlefield. But he can’t help but worry, he can’t help to think about him constantly, and all of their moments they shared. 

He’s working himself up, rightfully so. They were close. They cared too much about each other, they know too much about each other, Kyungsoo has seen Baekhyun in his worst and brightest moments, and Baekhyun has seen the same for Kyungsoo. Every second they were at each other’s side and there was never a dull moment. Never. 

  
  


The longer Kyungsoo thinks about it, wakes up at night with a heavy chest and so many thoughts infecting his mind, he realizes that he isn’t just scared  _ for  _ Baekhyun, he’s scared to lose him. Kyungsoo is scared, petrified, terrified of the possibility of never hearing from him again because maybe he cared about him a little too much. 

A little more than just cared about Baekhyun. A lot more. 

It was that way his chest filled with warmth everytime he smiled at Kyungsoo. The way he felt his face heat up when their hands brushed, and they pure joy he felt in his heart every time Baekhyun laughed and was genuinely happy. 

Those short moments of happiness and thinking everything was okay, that’s what made Kyungsoo fall for him. And he knows that it’s wrong, especially considering their situation, but he couldn’t stop himself. And he hasn’t tried. 

He just wished that he would have said something earlier. 

  
  
  
  
  


It’s the nineteenth day since Kyungsoo has heard anything. 

He’s sitting in the tent, writing another letter when Junmyeon comes stumbling it with his eyes wide and his hair a mess. He’s silent as he walks over to sit down across from Kyungsoo, reaches into his jacket, and pulls out an envelope addressed to Kyungsoo. 

Kyungsoo feels his eyes grow as he reaches out and takes it with sweaty hands. 

It’s addressed to him, but not in the handwriting he was anticipating. It’s not Baekhyun’s, it’s a little neater than his. 

He doesn’t want to open it. He doesn’t want to see what’s inside but he finds himself acting before he can properly react and tears open the envelope, pulling out the folded paper. 

He unfolds it, feel his blood go cold, his muscles rigid, his thoughts halt, his breath catch in his chest. 

His fingers begin to tremble and he reads and re-reads and tries to understand how this is real, how this could even be possible, how, how,  _ how _ . 

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t. He said he’d be back, he said they’d finish this together.

  
  


His fingers tighten around the paper, dirty and tearstained, there’s a small spatter of blood in the upper left corner. Baekhyun’s handwriting is messier than usual, almost hardly able to make out, meaning he wrote it all down in a rush, and Kyungsoo can’t imagine what was going on when he was writing it. 

  
  


From the moment they met to now, everything they went through, everything they shared resurfaces in Kyungsoo’s mind and crashes down on him all at once. Altogether, his love for Baekhyun, his admiration for the person he was fell right on top of Kyungsoo and he can’t help it when he falls into Junmyeon’s chest with hot tears falling down his face. 

“I loved him, Hyung.” He chokes. 

  
  
  
  


_ August 25, 1951 _

_ Do Kyungsoo, if you’re reading this I’m dead.  _

_ I’m sorry things turned out like this. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you this in person. I’m sorry for breaking our promise. _

_ I love you. I love you so much.  _

_ B. BH _

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I really hope this was okay there was a lot of stuff to research about pow camps and the war and for some reason I couldn't find much on the northern made ones.
> 
> Also, for clarification, Baekhyun died in the battle of bloody ridge, which was a real thing, and had the most casualties in the entirety of the war. 
> 
> I also do have a sort of epilogue-ish thing to this regarding everything that happens after the last letter, what happens to Kyungsoo, etc. Not really sure what to do with it though bc I figured putting it here would be awkward and take away from the initial story so... Pls let me know and I'll try and figure something out. Or maybe I'll be evil and keep it all to myself *laughs in author*
> 
> Also this is to all of the clowns in the baeksoo gc, thank you for being so wonderful. For once in my three years on stupid twitter I finally found a group of people who I am genuinely comfortable with, and unafraid of sharing my thoughts and interests with. Even if it hasn’t been all that long, I’ll miss all of you, and I hope we can get even closer after I’m back. 
> 
> Peace out, Baeksooists. Support City Lights, kith bbh for me. I'll see you all in september.


End file.
